Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Thursday, October 9, 2008

World faultering before our eyes

This is such a surreal time. Just last week, I was running at the gym as the market was falling 777 points thinking "This is so odd, the market is imploding and I'm here jogging and not that worried. Something must be wrong with me." Then the same thing happened today-- jogging, noticing the disconnect. Maybe it's happening oh so fast and so hasnt' really registered in my life. We don't have a ton of money in the stock market and certainly don't have more than $250k in cash so no need to worry re bank closing. Our real estate biz will change but not really slow-- there are deals to be made in every cycle of the economy. And ignite-- a downturn is actually good for biz. It's recession proof.
But still-- the suffering. Many, many people will have a lot of hurt in their lives as a result of these happenings. And I'm jogging, again. Is it socioeconomic guilt?
I remember being fascinated with the quote "May you live in interesting times" when I was a teenager. Only in my twenties did I learn that it was not a positive wish on someone.
These are definitely most interesting times. Every decade in modern American history seems to have it's own flavor of pain or angst. But for some, this might be agony.
And yet I jog. It hasn't reached my bubble yet.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Blog as creative writing course

So instead of enrolling in a creative writing course (or perhaps as a prelude to), I'm going to start putting some thoughts down here. I tried doing it personally in my own journal and the lack of audience sucked out all of the motivation for me. I need the fear of someone actually reading this to make me try a bit harder.
I hope for this to be the little box where I put all those tiny but pretty observations I have throughout the day. As such-- all rules of grammar are suspended and my own are put in place. Using context clues, some how, some way, you (the reader) will figure it out.
Also, I need to do this to be current within the society in which I reside. Apparently, our culture is putting more and more out there and wtf is wrong with you if you have nothing to say?!?!
That of course goes against the buddhist thought stuff I've been following for awhile-- trying to empty the mind-- or at least slow it down. I did do that for bit-- consciously cut myself out of society (as much as feasible with a husband and toddler). I found myself viewing society from a much more anthropological point of view-- sort of like the Emily Deschanel's character in "Bones".
And I also found myself having less of a problem with death, more of an acceptance. I suppose that is a good thing from a Buddhist perspective-- less attachment. But then re-entering society as of late has been interesting-- all kinds of feelings came up: insecurities, lots of energy from talking with friends. Were these things literally not there before or were they always there, but dormant?
Is the state of one's house really a snapshot of one's interior mind?
Mother's Day Out is almost over-- how does 5 hours go by so quick??? Experiences with time-- I love pondering those. Adrenaline makes your mind take in more info, thereby slowing down your experience of time. So if time goes quickly, but not in the having so much fun way, rather, the tuned out way--does that mean you can dull your experience or NOT take in as much information? Much in the same way alcohol or other drugs do (cold medicine even), but consciously and without drugs? Is that possible?
Presence-- isn't all just the degree of being present in the moment? And why am having all of these thoughts in the form of a question? Do I need some kind of validation here?